9 Tips for Setting Intentions When You're Chronically Ill
Who else can barely believe it’s already the end of January!? I swear 2021 is flying by even faster than 2020 flew by for me. Always a good reminder to stay present and soak in each day.
But as we’re closing out this first month of a new year, I’ve been reflecting on how, at the start of a new year, there’s always an extra bombardment of messaging that I always find toxic and, many times, ableist.
Because what happens when you’re chronically ill and it’s a new year, but same symptoms and uncertainties?
When I was first diagnosed with ulcerative colitis (you can read my story here), I know how daunting new years started to feel. How could I set goals when my life felt so unpredictable? How could I crush new fitness routines when my body had a mind of its own and symptoms that made certain activities difficult?
I had been the QUEEN of “new year’s resolutions” before my diagnosis. I was the fitness girl. The perfectionist girl. The type-A girl. The go go go, hustle-harder girl. The “I make new goals every month and I WILL crush every single one no matter what it takes” girl.
I was, in a nutshell, a perpetuator of the toxic language around new years. Talking all about “new year new you” (ew) and how you needed to be setting goals to be successful.
But something happened when I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis that I am beyond thankful for. As I realized I couldn’t physically keep living my life like that, I also realized I didn’t actually want to keep living my life like that. One of the greatest gifts that came out of accepting my diagnosis was truly the lesson that rest doesn’t need to be earned, that life isn’t just meant for striving, and that success can look different than what is portrayed in the media.
Slowly my “goals” turned more into intentions and those intentions were rooted in self-love and self-care, rather than the self-punishment. Intentions rooted on my inner world, rather than my outer world. Goals turned from “run 1,000 miles this year” or “lose X amount of pounds” to “love myself harder” “say ‘no’ more” “dive deep into my inner growth.”
And that’s been such a beautiful shift.
So here are a few tangible tips to help YOU if you’re chronically ill and struggling this time of year with all of the new year resolution / monthly goal wording out there.
Reword “resolutions” to “intentions” - Personally, I see resolutions as a way to “fix” something about yourself or your lifestyle. And I believe that when we see our life, our bodies, or ourselves as something to “fix” it instantly creates a negative connotation. I think resolutions tend to bring negative thoughts about your current situation or life. On the contrary, an intention, to me, is more focused on creating abundance in your life, inspiring positive change, growth, and healing.
Focus on feelings, not facts: with chronic illness we don’t always know what our bodies will be capable of each day. Instead of “I want to do X hike this year” maybe say “I want a sense of adventure this year.” due to its broadness you can tailor it to your body’s needs - maybe adventure does mean a long hike, but maybe it means exploring Italy on google street view or a small nature walk. Some other examples of this may be:
“I want to go on X dates per month” or “I want to find my perfect partner” - you may not end up feeling as physically or mentally up for the dating scene as you thought. Instead you could say “I want to foster a lot of love in my life this year/month.” This leaves room for it to be romantic love, family love, or friendship love, which allows you to check in with your energy and see what you truly need.
“I want to run X miles each week” - Instead of setting set-in-stone fitness goals, try something like “I want to move my body in a way that makes me feel good physically and mentally, while meeting my body where it’s at.” This helps you also lean into self-love and showing your body respect and kindness. “Moving your body” could look like a run one day or one week, but could also look like gentle yoga, stretching or short walks another week or month.
Focus on goals that can be done when your body simply can’t: I think the best goals and intentions anyways are the ones focusing on your mindset, inner peace and personal growth! Intentions like “putting up better energetic boundaries” and “honoring my body’s cues” are such gentle, loving intentions. Try to think, what intentions would help my inner world grow since my outer world isn’t always in my control?
Pick words to embody: a favorite simple way that I love setting intentions for the year is picking a word or 2 to embody and bring into my life. words such as trust, growth, self-love, rest, flow, etc. This is such a gentle way to set intentions that really let you mesh them into whatever areas of life end of needing it the most and meeting your body where it’s at. My words for 2020 were trust and presence and my words for 2021 are integrate and flow.
As you’re setting goals and intentions ask yourself “is this really realistic?”: It’s so easy to fall into the trap thinking that intentions and goals need to be lofty. But guess what? Goals and intentions don’t have to push you to or past your limits! Truly tune in and be honest with yourself when you ask this. Maybe scale back your intentions and goals so you ensure success and feel more excited about them in the first place. This will allow more wiggle room as well for the times and seasons your illness(es) may flare up.
Also, as you’re setting goals and intentions make sure at least one is focused on self-care: I have a bit of a “rule” for myself that when I’m setting intentions or goals, whether for the day, week, month, or year, at least one has to be focused on self-care (whether tangible or not tangible self-care). Truly, most of my intentions are related to self-care, because as I see it my life is one big fluid act of self-care. I always say “self-care is self-love put into actions” and intentions for me are rooted in the love and respect I have for myself. Some examples of self-care related intentions may be:
Tangible:
Take a mindful pause twice during the workday today to breathe and center myself.
Give myself the space and time to take a bath twice this week.
Non-tangible
Lean into trust in myself and the universe.
Set up energetic boundaries and say ‘no’ when I truly want to say ‘no.’
Check-in with your energy, mind, body, and soul daily: Every day when I wake up I give myself time and space to check-in with myself. I give myself a couple of hours to meditate, journal, and read and this time allows me to go into each day knowing where my body and mind are at and how my intentions and goals will best work for me that day. Morning routines don’t have to be long or extravagant, but giving yourself enough time to actually get quiet and sit with yourself will help you find out each day what you truly need and want!
Let yourself be fluid and allow for change: It’s okay for goals and intentions to change. Even if you create fluid, self-love-rooted, self-care-rooted intentions, our illnesses can still make it difficult to meet them. Or, due to our illnesses or life in general, we may just decide those intentions and goals no longer serve us. Let go of the expectation that if you “don’t go through” with an intention or goal that you’ve failed. You’ve won by listening to your body and mind and adapting. :)
Redefine “success”: Lastly, take some time to redefine success. Success in our society looks like working X hours a day, making X money, and weighing X amount. But guess what? I don’t really think any of those things create true success, but they sure do add to creating unhealthy resolutions and goals, only striving for outer validation. I define success by how much work-life balance I have, how happy I am, how healthy my friendships and relationships are, and how my inner world feels. This motivates me to want to create softer intentions around those things.
And guess what? It’s also okay to not have goals or words or intentions for the new year or a new month. only YOU can know what’s best for your body and mind. New years and new months and new weeks are simply days. Calendar years are a human construct. The new year doesn’t have to have a special meaning and intentions can be set whenever you want!
But the intention I want for ALL of you, at the end of the day, is to be gentle with yourselves. speak kindly to yourselves. focus on yourselves and let go of comparison. That's what I want for you. So if you ARE making some intentions for this year, be kind to yourself and remember that you’re already infinity time enough. Xx