5 Unique Self Love Tips
Valentine’s Day makes me think of couples in love, dozens of roses and over-the-top dinners with white tablecloths… None of which my Valentine’s Day is consisting of this year (or has any year in the past #singlelife).
But do you know what my Valentine’s Day IS consisting of? A hell of a lot of self-love.
And honestly, that’s kind of become the usual for me these days and I am so, so grateful for that.
Before now I spent years full of self-hatred, anxiety and fear. I spent years holding myself back. I spent years knowing I needed this thing called self-love but having no clue how to achieve it.
I’ll be the first to admit that learning to love yourself is difficult and the conversations and questions that arise on that self-love journey can be really uncomfortable. But I’ll also be the first to admit that it’s so damn important to embark on that journey.
Here are my top 5 (unusual) tips to loving yourself harder:
1. Allow yourself to be lonely: One of the biggest things I see when women are struggling with self-love is their over-dependence on others as they try to love themselves harder. It’s easy to search for the happiness and love you so greatly desire through relationships (romantic and otherwise), when all that truly matters is the relationship you have with yourself. Sitting in loneliness and spending a heck of a lot of time alone forces you to uncover what’s holding you back from loving yourself and working on finding ways to grow and push through those barriers to reach your highest potential. Loneliness is uncomfortable, but loneliness ultimately helps you achieve self-love.
2. Go off the grid: It’s easy to start living through our phones and social media. Everything we do is documented and if something isn’t worthy of Instagram, then it starts to seem less worthy in general. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Sometimes the things we truly need to help us reconnect to ourselves and start loving ourselves harder and more fully are the things that are least picture-perfect. Give yourself a day, a week or even 25 days during my guided course to not look at social media and instead simply do the things that align you with your highest, most loving self. Don’t worry about posting, comparing or making things presentable. Sometimes learning to love yourself is messy and that’s okay.
3. Allow yourself to be weak: One of the main roadblocks on my own self-love journey was always pretending I was strong – always putting on a mask and saying, “I’m fine,” even when I was hurting inside. When I finally let that act go, sought out help from a counselor, talked to friends and family, got honest with myself, cried ugly tears and did the dirty work to TRULY become strong (instead of pretending to be), my self-love grew exponentially. Once I admitted that I was weak in that time in my life, I was able to grow stronger through it and learn how to be authentically myself.
4. See yourself from others’ eyes: This is a tactic I use with clients when they’re struggling with self-love, self-acceptance or body-positivity. The things we dislike about ourselves or have a hard time accepting and loving are usually not the things that friends, family or even new acquaintances judge us on or base their love for us on. For example, if you are spending your days hating your body, I challenge you to close your eyes and see yourself from your best friend’s eyes. Does she/he love you because of your physical body? No. They love you because of your humor, personality, heart, etc. This helps you realize that you truly are your biggest critic and the things you spend so much energy worrying about and pouring negative energy into aren’t even close to the things that matter most in how you move through this world.
5. Learn to say “yes” more AND “no” more: Wait… learn to say both more? Yup! Learn to say “yes” to the things your heart truly desires (and getting out of your own way while doing so) and learning to say “no” to the things, people and opportunities that do not serve you or help you love yourself more.
So, as you go into this Valentine’s Day, whether you’re single or not, I encourage you to focus on the love you show yourself as well.
Self-love is a daily decision to care for yourself through your words, thoughts and actions. Self-love is a daily commitment to do yourself. Self-love is a daily promise you keep.
Finding self-love can be difficult and frustrating. But finding self-love is also life-changing in the best possible way.
Because being able to wake up thinking things like “I love who I am and am becoming. I love how I’ve grown. I love that my body looks this way and strongly carries me through my day,” is a glorious, glorious thing that I want ALL of you to encounter.
Your self-love journey doesn’t need to be linear or perfect, it just needs to start. Xx